Love Loss in Lockdown

Some time has passed and what originally felt like a death sentence, suddenly becomes normality. Elements of my week, has resumed to much the same as pre-Coronavirus. The Friday feeling buzz has crept back in, purely based on the fact that Harry returns home and we then get to spend the weekend together. The early mornings have recommenced, not merely because my body clock demands so, but the early 5:45am Personal Training slots are back in the diary. Training is back on schedule, I’m feeling fit, strong but a little heavy. Despite what my mother-in-law may think, I haven’t put on weight, but whilst the scales stay the same number, what was once muscle, is now less familiar tidy rolls of fat.

It’s hard in lockdown, not to eat yourself silly into a COVID-19 food comma. Since the day starts around 5am and finishes around 9:30, that accumulates around 16.5 hours of grazing for food a day. How is one supposed to just eat three meals a day, with an ‘elevenses’’ and ‘foursey’s.’ Impossible! After breakfast I’m already thinking of sweet, sugary snacks, justified by the fact that I have already worked out once, so surely one more biscuit out the biscuit tin wouldn’t hurt? Wrong!

Social media flourishes with self-confessed ‘Merry Berrys,’ claiming that their Victoria Sponges, chocolate coted flapjacks, Nutella cookies, brownies and plentiful cupcakes are the best ever! I mean, as a junior baker, who bakes perhaps once a year, through fear of just cake binging every weekend, can see a deadly cake plan unfolding. Less activity plus an increase in heavenly cake and all sugary indulgent snacks, equates to a significant gain on one’s scales. Problem number 1, a much heavier British public released back into the wild after lockdown, solution number 1, they all flock to R Fitness to book their ‘Quarantine Rehab Personal Training sessions’ and after all the over indulgence and the self-confessed ‘Great British Bakers,’ I’m quid’s in! Carry on cake addicts, for your interest, my number; 07507695557, all Coronavirus weight gain pandemics, accepted here at R Fitness.

Of course, it is inevitable that most will gain a few pounds. Endless days spent at home, ticking off day to day, visiting the fridge, hour to hour and grabbing whatever will satisfy the COVID-19 mindless eating. I have even fashioned such snacks, including Nutella on a banana, peanut butter on a snack a jack, slices of apple with peanut butter, just a mouthful of peanut butter, Greek Yoghurt and peanut butter, some more peanut butter and a mix up of peanut butter and Nutella on toast, or simply, served best, peanut butter on a spoon, straight into my big gob! It’s never ending, I may be greedy but I certainly cannot be classed as lazy. Around my busy schedule of snacking and fridge raiding, I’m training, training hard, training often and training big. Every day, I am in the ‘garage gym,’ lifting weights, or doing body weight circuits and even streaming LIVE virtual workouts to all that wishes to get involved. The problem with some and I am inundated with people who seem to have the same problem, is self-motivation. Requests come in daily, ‘can you do a workout at this time? ‘Can you use this type of equipment? ‘Can you make it five minutes later? ‘I’m not going to make it this week, I’m too tired.’ I’ve had a bad day, sitting on my butt all day, so I’m going to sit this one out.’ ‘I am feeling so big, I don’t get it, I’m eating less, exercising, but yet I’m just feeling bigger than ever.’ Denial! Guys, its simple, we all have more time than usual, we all spend time in front of the TV, we all could get up an hour earlier,  we ALL have to make sacrifices in order to get our training in and as the famous Nike saying goes, ‘JUST DO IT ! Endless excuses, endless reasons why you didn’t do something, endless days of feeling lethargic, crap and fed up with yourself.  I’ve said it again and I’ll say it now, exercise is an ESSENTIAL part of our day to day lives. Its recommended by every health and fitness professional across the world and right now, in this current pandemic, it is at the forefront of the government’s legislation to ‘stay safe, and exercise from the safety of your home.’

It’s been a tough couple of weeks, fortunately work and training, keeps be focused from what is really unfolding around us. My Grandad turned 90 on April 9^th, for the last year he has been battling on and off health issues and unfortunately last week, he was tested positive for Coronavirus. By Easter Sunday, we had sadly lost him. And there it was, Corona, staring right back at me, consuming me that little bit more, triumphant in yet another claim to its merciless hand and this time, it wasn’t a tragic story on the news, not a friend of a friend, not a story passed through a series of story tellers, no this time it was someone closer to home, this time it was my Grandad, my mums father and my nans husband. Despite our sorrow and loss, my Grandad survived his last few days, I know, feeling safe, feeling loved and feeling humbled by the amazing staff at The Wisdom Hospice, Rochester.  On the day of his 90^th birthday, three days before he passed, the nurses there dripped champagne on his lips with a sponge. I would imagine in those small moments, that my Grandad felt heavenly, as he so loved to have his head stroked, or his brow wiped, I’m sure the mere taste of bubbles on his lips, would surly have been ecstasy. Of course, in my Grandad’s last moments, we could not be with him. My mum and her siblings, now find comfort from their loved ones, whilst in lockdown at home, with nothing but their thoughts and reflection of better times with their Dad. Undeniably my Grandad was old and most would respond to his death with the infamous line, ‘well he had a good innings.’ If you could describe ones 90 years as a ‘good innings,’ then yes, his long legacy could be likened to a long innings between England and the West Indies, in a never ending battle of Crickets finest, a contest that at many moment, the enemy nearly seizes victory and then somehow, some way, the underdog, surprises us all and lives to fight another day.

So, I salute my Grandad, I commend his bravery, his undisputed will to survive, I commend his love for his family and how he so very gracefully, faced the loss of his son in recent months. I commend his knowledge, his life experiences, from providing for a family of five, to chasing plentiful boyfriends away, for fear of them steeling his precious girls, for teaching me how to throw a super knockout punch,  for setting himself alight in the middle of the kitchen with lighter fuel and nearly burning his nose from his face, for his services in the Royal Air Force but mostly, for being my Grandad. I will forever treasure the many hours I have spent, listening to untold stories of him growing up,  stories of when he first saw my nan on the train platform and claimed her there and then, the story of how his work employees honoured him with his every own personalised Rolex and the story of how he always made my dad sleep on the front room floor, even when my mum and him were set to be married, but of course Grandad, these stories aren’t untold, I’ve heard them but a 100 times. Despite listening to the same episode of Grandads life,  I would hear it a 1000 times over to be with you now, sitting with you on the sofa drinking tea and indulging in a buttery hot cross bun claiming to have never heard this story before and ‘please continue one more time Grandad.’

We love and miss you so very much, sleep easy Grandad, be at peace, be with Uncle Phil now and hope for better times for us all here. To us, it wasn’t Coronavirus that killed you, it was a battle for you, that simply couldn’t be fought any longer, the innings you may have lost, but you forever live in our hearts. Goodnight Grandad this one is for you xxxx